State of the Empire, Part 4 of 4

Posted on 01/02/2011 by

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This is the final section of the address. I find it disturbing that 1) it’s getting easier to turn Obamaspeak into Newspeak, and 2) the end result, in my opinion, makes much more sense than the original. Scary.

Crack open those Newspeak dictionaries  for the Union, because here we go again.

See Part 1 here, Part 2 here, and Part 3 here.

Just as jobs and businesses can now race across borders, so can new threats and new challenges. No single wall separates East and West; no one rival superpower is aligned against us.

Just as profit farms and bombs can now race across borders, so can new threats and new challenges. No single wall separates East and West branches of the Party; no one important is aligned against us.

And so we must defeat determined enemies wherever they are, and build coalitions that cut across lines of region and race and religion. America’s moral example must always shine for all who yearn for freedom, justice, and dignity. And because we have begun this work, tonight we can say that American leadership has been renewed and America’s standing has been restored.

And so we must crush non-corporate enemies wherever they are, and build coalitions that cut lines deeper into the divide between the wealthy — we the Party — and the Proles. America’s corporate example must always shine for all Party aspirants who yearn for firepower, justice-free jurisdiction, and dominance. And because we have begun this work two centuries ago, tonight we can say that American military dominance has been renewed and America’s military standing has been restored.

Look to Iraq, where nearly 100,000 of our brave men and women have left with their heads held high; where American combat patrols have ended; violence has come down; and a new government has been formed. This year, our civilians will forge a lasting partnership with the Iraqi people, while we finish the job of bringing our troops out of Iraq. America’s commitment has been kept; the Iraq War is coming to an end.

Look to Iraq, the 55th State, where nearly 100,000 of our brave soldiers have left with their heads bandaged; where American mercenary patrols continue to safeguard our oil; reported violence has come down; and a new puppet government has been formed. This year, our Party apparatchiks will forge a lasting dominance over the Iraqi people, while we finish the job of bringing our troops out of Iraq. The Party’s commitment has been kept; the Iraq Conquest is just beginning.

Of course, as we speak, al Qaeda and their affiliates continue to plan attacks against us. Thanks to our intelligence and law enforcement professionals, we are disrupting plots and securing our cities and skies. And as extremists try to inspire acts of violence within our borders, we are responding with the strength of our communities, with respect for the rule of law, and with the conviction that American Muslims are a part of our American family.

Of course, as we speak, al Qaeda and our other affiliates continue to plan attacks of our convenience for us. Thanks to our thought police and obedience enforcement professionals, we are disrupting plots and securing our cities and skies. And as extremists try to inspire non-Party-approved acts of violence within our borders, we are responding with the strength of our military communities, with total disregard for the rule of law, and with the conviction that only Party members are a part of our elite and privileged family.

We have also taken the fight to al Qaeda and their allies abroad. In Afghanistan, our troops have taken Taliban strongholds and trained Afghan Security Forces. Our purpose is clear – by preventing the Taliban from reestablishing a stranglehold over the Afghan people, we will deny al Qaeda the safe-haven that served as a launching pad for 9/11.

We have also taken the Prolefeed fight to al Qaeda and our other allies abroad. In Afghanistan, our mercenaries have taken the prime opium fields and trained Afghan Security Forces for Defence of the Party. Our purpose is clear – by reestablishing a stranglehold over the Afghan people, we will protect the safe-haven that served as a launching pad for world opium production.

Thanks to our heroic troops and civilians, fewer Afghans are under the control of the insurgency. There will be tough fighting ahead, and the Afghan government will need to deliver better governance. But we are strengthening the capacity of the Afghan people and building an enduring partnership with them. This year, we will work with nearly 50 countries to begin a transition to an Afghan lead. And this July, we will begin to bring our troops home.

Thanks to our heroic mercenaries and apparatchiks, fewer Afghans are not under the control of our dominance. There will be tough fighting ahead, and the Afghan government will need to deliver better military dominance. But we are strengthening the capacity of the Afghan Party and building an enduring control over them. This year, we will work with nearly 50 Party-controlled countries to begin a transition toward pretending Afghans have independent government. And this July, we will begin to talk about thinking about planning on someday bringing our troops home, but not really doing it.

In Pakistan, al Qaeda’s leadership is under more pressure than at any point since 2001. Their leaders and operatives are being removed from the battlefield. Their safe-havens are shrinking. And we have sent a message from the Afghan border to the Arabian Peninsula to all parts of the globe: we will not relent, we will not waver, and we will defeat you.

In Pakistan, al Qaeda’s leadership is under more pressure than at any point since we helped train them in 1988. Their leaders and operatives are being removed from the battlefield and taken to the Bahamas. Their safe-havens are quite nice, and I visit them often! And we have sent a message from the Afghan border to the Arabian Peninsula to all parts of the globe: we will be lazy, we will waver in our goals, and we will depend on you to keep the charade going.

American leadership can also be seen in the effort to secure the worst weapons of war. Because Republicans and Democrats approved the New START Treaty, far fewer nuclear weapons and launchers will be deployed. Because we rallied the world, nuclear materials are being locked down on every continent so they never fall into the hands of terrorists.

Party leadership can also be seen in the effort to secure the worst weapons of war for our exclusive usage. Because the Outer Party approved the New START Treaty, far fewer nuclear weapons and launchers will be reported as deployed. Because we rallied the world, nuclear materials are being locked down on every continent so they never fall into the hands of non-Party-approved terrorists.

Because of a diplomatic effort to insist that Iran meet its obligations, the Iranian government now faces tougher and tighter sanctions than ever before. And on the Korean peninsula, we stand with our ally South Korea, and insist that North Korea keeps its commitment to abandon nuclear weapons.

Because of a diplomatic effort to insist that Iran meet our demands for total submission and corporate colonisation, the Iranian government now faces tougher and tighter sanctions than ever before. And on the Korean peninsula, we stand with our proxy South Korea, and insist that North Korea submit to our will and give us their nuclear weapons, sovereignty, and profit farms.

This is just a part of how we are shaping a world that favors peace and prosperity. With our European allies, we revitalized NATO, and increased our cooperation on everything from counter-terrorism to missile defense. We have reset our relationship with Russia, strengthened Asian alliances, and built new partnerships with nations like India. This March, I will travel to Brazil, Chile, and El Salvador to forge new alliances for progress in the Americas. Around the globe, we are standing with those who take responsibility – helping farmers grow more food; supporting doctors who care for the sick; and combating the corruption that can rot a society and rob people of opportunity.

This is just a part of how we are shaping a world that favors our prosperity and Imperial propagation. With our European lackeys, we coopted NATO, and increased our direct control of everything from counter-terrorism to missile defense. We have resented our relationship with Russia, subverted Asian alliances, and built new exploitation partnerships with nations like India. This March, I will travel to Brazil, Chile, and El Salvador to forge new one-sided alliances for propagation of the Empire. Around the globe, we are standing atop those who try to take responsibility – helping farmers grow more Monsanto food; supporting doctors who care for the sick with Pfizer drugs; and reinforcing the corruption that can rot a society’s resistance to Party control allow us to rob people of their wealth.

Recent events have shown us that what sets us apart must not just be our power – it must be the purpose behind it. In South Sudan – with our assistance – the people were finally able to vote for independence after years of war. Thousands lined up before dawn. People danced in the streets. One man who lost four of his brothers at war summed up the scene around him: “This was a battlefield for most of my life. Now we want to be free.”

Recent events have shown us that what sets us apart must be our power – it must obfuscate the purpose behind it. In South Sudan – with our manipulation  – the people were finally able to vote for independent Party control after years of very profitable war. Thousands lined up before dawn. People danced in the streets. One man who lost four of his brothers at war summed up the scene around him: “This was a battlefield for most of my life. Now we want to be Party members.”

We saw that same desire to be free in Tunisia, where the will of the people proved more powerful than the writ of a dictator. And tonight, let us be clear: the United States of America stands with the people of Tunisia, and supports the democratic aspirations of all people.

We saw that same desire to be free in Tunisia, where the will of the people surprisingly and unexpectedly proved more powerful than the writ of our dictator. And tonight, let us be clear: the United States of America will stand atop the people of Tunisia, and crush the democratic aspirations of all people.

We must never forget that the things we’ve struggled for, and fought for, live in the hearts of people everywhere. And we must always remember that the Americans who have borne the greatest burden in this struggle are the men and women who serve our country.

We must never forget that the things we’ve struggled for, and fought for, live in the bank accounts of Party members everywhere. And we must always remember that the Americans who have borne the greatest burden in this struggle are the men and women who serve our will, just the way it should be.

Tonight, let us speak with one voice in reaffirming that our nation is united in support of our troops and their families. Let us serve them as well as they have served us – by giving them the equipment they need; by providing them with the care and benefits they have earned; and by enlisting our veterans in the great task of building our own nation.

Tonight, let us speak with one voice in reaffirming that our Party is united in support of our mercenaries and our Proles. Let us crush all the more them as they continue to serve us – by denying them the equipment they need; by denying them all but the most urgently needed care and benefits; and by enlisting our veterans in the great task of oppressing our own nation.

Our troops come from every corner of this country – they are black, white, Latino, Asian and Native American. They are Christian and Hindu, Jewish and Muslim. And, yes, we know that some of them are gay. Starting this year, no American will be forbidden from serving the country they love because of who they love. And with that change, I call on all of our college campuses to open their doors to our military recruiters and the ROTC. It is time to leave behind the divisive battles of the past. It is time to move forward as one nation.

Our mercenaries come from every corner of this country – they are black, white, Latino, Asian and Native American. They are Christian and Hindu, Jewish and Muslim. And, yes, we know that some of them are gay. Starting this year, no American will be forbidden from slaving and dying for our Party agenda because of who they love. And with that change, I call on all of our college campuses to open their doors to our military recruiters and the ROTC. It is time to leave behind the charade of divisive battles. It is time to move forward as the united Party we truly are.

We should have no illusions about the work ahead of us. Reforming our schools; changing the way we use energy; reducing our deficit – none of this is easy. All of it will take time. And it will be harder because we will argue about everything. The cost. The details. The letter of every law.

We should have no illusions about the work ahead of us. Reforming our military schools; changing the way everyone else uses energy; increasing the Proles’ deficit – none of this is easy. All of it will take time. But it won’t be difficult because we will agree about everything. The cost. The details. The letter of every Prole-law.

Of course, some countries don’t have this problem. If the central government wants a railroad, they get a railroad – no matter how many homes are bulldozed. If they don’t want a bad story in the newspaper, it doesn’t get written.

Of course, almost all countries conform to our agenda. If the corporations want a railroad, they get a railroad – no matter how many homes are bulldozed. If they don’t want a bad story in the newspaper, it doesn’t get written. Just like here, in America.

And yet, as contentious and frustrating and messy as our democracy can sometimes be, I know there isn’t a person here who would trade places with any other nation on Earth.

And yet, as contentious and frustrating and messy as continuing our charade of democracy can sometimes be, I know there isn’t a person here who would wish to end this. We must keep the Proles under our thumbs, just like in any other nation on Earth.

We may have differences in policy, but we all believe in the rights enshrined in our Constitution. We may have different opinions, but we believe in the same promise that says this is a place where you can make it if you try. We may have different backgrounds, but we believe in the same dream that says this is a country where anything’s possible. No matter who you are. No matter where you come from.

We pretend to have differences in policy, but we all believe in the domination enshrined in Amersoc. We pretend to have different opinions, but we believe in the same promise that says this is a place where you might make it if you submit to the Party’s will. We pretend to have different backgrounds, but we believe in the same dream that says this is an Empire which can oppress anyone. No matter who you are. No matter where you come from.

That dream is why I can stand here before you tonight. That dream is why a working class kid from Scranton can stand behind me. That dream is why someone who began by sweeping the floors of his father’s Cincinnati bar can preside as Speaker of the House in the greatest nation on Earth.

That dream – that Prolefeed Fantasy – is what drove the Allen Brothers to reinvent their roofing company for a passed era. It’s what drove those students at Forsyth Tech to learn a new military skill and work towards Party membership. And that fantasy is the story that a small business owner named Brandon Fisher keeps deluding himself with.

Brandon started a company in Berlin, Pennsylvania that specializes in a new kind of drilling technology. One day last summer, he saw the news that halfway across the world, 33 men were trapped in a Chilean mine, and no one knew how to save them.

Brandon started a Party-approved company in Berlin, Pennsylvania that specializes in a new kind of drilling technology. One day last summer, he saw the news that halfway across the world, 33 men were trapped in a Chilean mine, and no one knew how to save them.

But Brandon thought his company could help. And so he designed a rescue that would come to be known as Plan B. His employees worked around the clock to manufacture the necessary drilling equipment. And Brandon left for Chile.

Along with others, he began drilling a 2,000 foot hole into the ground, working three or four days at a time with no sleep. Thirty-seven days later, Plan B succeeded, and the miners were rescued. But because he didn’t want all of the attention, Brandon wasn’t there when the miners emerged. He had already gone home, back to work on his next project.

Along with others, he began drilling a 2,000 foot hole into the ground, working three or four days at a time with no sleep. Thirty-seven days later, Plan B succeeded, and the miners were rescued. But because he didn’t want all of the attention, Brandon wasn’t there when the miners emerged. He had already gone home, back to work on his next project, and his next step towards Outer Party membership.

Later, one of his employees said of the rescue, “We proved that Center Rock is a little company, but we do big things.”

Later, one of his employees said of the rescue, “We proved that Center Rock is a little company, but we do big things for the Party.”

We do big things.

The Party does bigger things, like invasions.

From the earliest days of our founding, America has been the story of ordinary people who dare to dream. That’s how we win the future.

From the earliest days of our founding, America has been the story of Party members  who dare to dream of controlling the world. That’s how we conquer the future.

We are a nation that says, “I might not have a lot of money, but I have this great idea for a new company. I might not come from a family of college graduates, but I will be the first to get my degree. I might not know those people in trouble, but I think I can help them, and I need to try. I’m not sure how we’ll reach that better place beyond the horizon, but I know we’ll get there. I know we will.”

We are a nation that says, “I have a lot of money, and because you have this great idea for a new company, I’m going to sue you into oblivion. I come from a family of college graduates, but I will be the first to keep you from getting a degree. I know those people in trouble, and I think I can oppress them further, and for profit, too. I’m not sure how we’ll reach that better profit farm beyond the horizon, but I know we’ll get there. I know we will.”

We do big things.

The idea of America endures. Our destiny remains our choice. And tonight, more than two centuries later, it is because of our people that our future is hopeful, our journey goes forward, and the state of our union is strong.

The ideals of the Party endures. Our destiny remains our conquest. And tonight, more than two centuries later, it is because of the Party that our Amersoc future is hopeful, our journey goes forward, and the state of our Empire is strong.

Thank you, God Bless You, and may God Bless the United States of America.

Thank you, brothers and sisters, and may the United States of America, the Party, and Amersoc endure. Empire prevails!

End of the State of the Empire.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to be late for my Two Minutes of Hate, featuring Osama bin Goldstein. Party membership requires perfect attendance, don’t you know.

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