State of the Empire, Part 1 of 4

Posted on 27/01/2011 by

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In honour of the US government’s efforts to crush WikiLeaks whilst lauding freedom of speech, and its torturing of Pfc Bradley Manning whilst demanding China improve its stance on human rights, I’ve pulled out my Doublethink translator. The following is President Barack Obama’s 2011 State of the Union speech, translated from Newspeak into Oldspeak, and sourced from here.

Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, Members of Congress, distinguished guests, and fellow Americans:

Mr O’Brian, Mr Vice Big Brother, Members of the Outer Party, distinguished Inner Party guests, and Proles via telescreens:

Tonight I want to begin by congratulating the men and women of the 112th Congress, as well as your new Speaker, John Boehner. And as we mark this occasion, we are also mindful of the empty chair in this Chamber, and pray for the health of our colleague – and our friend – Gabby Giffords.

Tonight I want to begin by congratulating the Party on another victory in maintaining our control of the Union, as well our new iteration of Mr O’Brian, John Boehner. And as we mark this occasion, we are also mindful of the empty chair in this Chamber, and pray for the health of our Outer Party colleague – and our friend – Gabby Giffords.

It’s no secret that those of us here tonight have had our differences over the last two years. The debates have been contentious; we have fought fiercely for our beliefs. And that’s a good thing. That’s what a robust democracy demands. That’s what helps set us apart as a nation.

It’s no secret that we pretend to have differences within the Party over the last two hundred and fifty years. The debates have been well-rehearsed; we have successfully and continually duped the Proles. And that’s a good thing. That’s what a robust Amersoc demands. That’s what helps set us apart as a nation

But there’s a reason the tragedy in Tucson gave us pause. Amid all the noise and passions and rancor of our public debate, Tucson reminded us that no matter who we are or where we come from, each of us is a part of something greater – something more consequential than party or political preference.

But there’s a reason the tragedy in Tucson gave us pause. Amid all the pre-recorded noise and rehearsed passions and false rancor of our public non-debate, Tucson reminded us that no matter who we are or where we come from, each of us is a part of something greater – the Party.

We are part of the American family. We believe that in a country where every race and faith and point of view can be found, we are still bound together as one people; that we share common hopes and a common creed; that the dreams of a little girl in Tucson are not so different than those of our own children, and that they all deserve the chance to be fulfilled.

We are part of the Party. We believe that in a country where every race is irrelevant, every faith is the Party’s, and every point of view is what we manufacture, we are bound together as one Amersoc people; that we share common enemies and a common Party Line; that the dreams of a little girl in Tucson are not so different than those of our own children, and that they all deserve the chance to become members of the Party.

That, too, is what sets us apart as a nation.

Now, by itself, this simple recognition won’t usher in a new era of cooperation. What comes of this moment is up to us. What comes of this moment will be determined not by whether we can sit together tonight, but whether we can work together tomorrow.

Now, by itself, this simple recapitulation of our unanimous Party solidarity, veiled by smoke and mirrors, won’t usher in a new era of increased Party dominance. What comes of this moment is up to us. What comes of this moment will be determined not by whether we can dupe the Proles tonight, but whether we can dupe the Proles tomorrow.

I believe we can. I believe we must. That’s what the people who sent us here expect of us. With their votes, they’ve determined that governing will now be a shared responsibility between parties. New laws will only pass with support from Democrats and Republicans. We will move forward together, or not at all – for the challenges we face are bigger than party, and bigger than politics.

I know we can, and must. That’s what the Inner Party who sent us here expects of us. With their campaign contributions, they’ve determined that governing will continue to be in the hands of the Outer Party. New laws will pass which will have the support of the entire Party. We will move forward together, period — for the challenges we face are a threat to not only the Party: they threaten the Empire itself.

At stake right now is not who wins the next election – after all, we just had an election. At stake is whether new jobs and industries take root in this country, or somewhere else. It’s whether the hard work and industry of our people is rewarded. It’s whether we sustain the leadership that has made America not just a place on a map, but a light to the world.

At stake right now is not who wins the next election – after all, elections are just to entertain the Proles. At stake is whether we defend the roots of the Empire and the rule of the Party. It’s whether the Inner Party is rewarded for their enlightened rule. It’s whether we sustain the leadership that has made America not just a place on a map, but the undisputed tyrant of the world.

We are poised for progress. Two years after the worst recession most of us have ever known, the stock market has come roaring back. Corporate profits are up. The economy is growing again.

We are poised for progress. Two years after the unforseen, viable threat to Party control of the economy, the stock market has come roaring back. Corporate profits are up. Our Party disinformation campaign has convinced the Proles that the economy is growing again. The Inner Party is pleased with the progress that we, the Outer Party, have made, which is why we’re all here today.

But we have never measured progress by these yardsticks alone. We measure progress by the success of our people. By the jobs they can find and the quality of life those jobs offer. By the prospects of a small business owner who dreams of turning a good idea into a thriving enterprise. By the opportunities for a better life that we pass on to our children.

We have always measured progress by these yardsticks alone. But we must claim to measure progress by the apparent success of the Proles. By the pretend jobs they can find and the falling quality of life those jobs offer. By the dimming prospects of a small business owner who dreams of turning a good idea into a thriving enterprise are crushed by our manufactured reality. In truth, we judge our progress by the opportunities for a better life that we pass on to our Party-born children.

That’s the project the American people want us to work on. Together.

Those are the projects we claim to work on for the benefit of the Proles. Together, we work toward the betterment of the Inner Party, and the expansion of the Empire.

We did that in December. Thanks to the tax cuts we passed, Americans’ paychecks are a little bigger today. Every business can write off the full cost of the new investments they make this year. These steps, taken by Democrats and Republicans, will grow the economy and add to the more than one million private sector jobs created last year.

We did that in December. Thanks to the tax cuts we passed, Inner Party members’ paychecks are much bigger today. Every Party business can write off the full cost of the new investments they make this year. These steps, taken by we the Outer Party, will grow the Empire and pretend to add to the more than one million Prole-sector  fake-jobs created last year.

But we have more work to do. The steps we’ve taken over the last two years may have broken the back of this recession – but to win the future, we’ll need to take on challenges that have been decades in the making.

But we have more work to do. The steps the Party has taken over the last two years may have broken the back of lingering Prole independence – but to win the future, we’ll need to take on challenges that have been decades in the making.

Many people watching tonight can probably remember a time when finding a good job meant showing up at a nearby factory or a business downtown. You didn’t always need a degree, and your competition was pretty much limited to your neighbors. If you worked hard, chances are you’d have a job for life, with a decent paycheck, good benefits, and the occasional promotion. Maybe you’d even have the pride of seeing your kids work at the same company.

Many Proles watching tonight are temporarily allowed to vaguely remember a time when finding a good job meant showing up at a nearby factory or a business downtown. You will remember you didn’t always need a degree, and you will believe your competition was pretty much limited to your neighbors. You will believe that, if you worked hard, chances are you’d have a job for life, with a decent paycheck, good benefits, and the occasional promotion in the Party. Maybe you’d even have the pride of seeing your kids join the Inner Party, as a few parents here have seen.

That world has changed. And for many, the change has been painful. I’ve seen it in the shuttered windows of once booming factories, and the vacant storefronts of once busy Main Streets. I’ve heard it in the frustrations of Americans who’ve seen their paychecks dwindle or their jobs disappear – proud men and women who feel like the rules have been changed in the middle of the game.

That world has changed, and the Proles will now forget that it ever existed. And for many, namely the Inner Party, the change has been highly profitable. I’ve seen it in the shuttered windows of once booming factories, as they are turned into high-end condiminiums; and the vacant storefronts of once busy Main Streets, now turned into boutiques and hair salons for the spouses of Inner Party members. I’ve heard it in the delight of Inner Party members who’ve seen their bonuses swell and their liabilities disappear – proud men and women who believe the rules do not apply to them.

They’re right. The rules have changed. In a single generation, revolutions in technology have transformed the way we live, work and do business. Steel mills that once needed 1,000 workers can now do the same work with 100. Today, just about any company can set up shop, hire workers, and sell their products wherever there’s an internet connection.

They’re right. The rules only apply to the Proles, and even then the rules can be changes on a whim of an Inner Party member. The Proles will now believe that, in a single generation, revolutions in technology have transformed the way they live, work and do business. Proles will now believe steel mills that once needed 1,000 workers can now do the same work with 100. Today, just about any company owned by the Party can set up shop, hire Proles, and sell their products wherever there’s an internet connection.

Meanwhile, nations like China and India realized that with some changes of their own, they could compete in this new world. And so they started educating their children earlier and longer, with greater emphasis on math and science. They’re investing in research and new technologies. Just recently, China became home to the world’s largest private solar research facility, and the world’s fastest computer.

Meanwhile, nations like China and India realized that with some changes of their own, they could be part of this new world Empire — our Empire. And so they started educating their children earlier and longer in Party doctrine, with greater emphasis on math and science and blind obedience. They’re investing in research and new technologies of which the Party approves. Just recently, China became home to the world’s largest Party solar research facility, and the Party’s fastest computer.

So yes, the world has changed. The competition for jobs is real. But this shouldn’t discourage us. It should challenge us. Remember – for all the hits we’ve taken these last few years, for all the naysayers predicting our decline, America still has the largest, most prosperous economy in the world. No workers are more productive than ours. No country has more successful companies, or grants more patents to inventors and entrepreneurs. We are home to the world’s best colleges and universities, where more students come to study than any other place on Earth.

So yes, the world has changed. The competition for Prole jobs is fake, because the Party has made it so. But this shouldn’t discourage the Proles. It should challenge us to keep up the charade. Remember – for all the hits we’ve taken these last few years, for all the naysayers predicting our decline, America still has the largest, most powerful military in the world. No solders are more murderous than ours. No country has more successful invasions, or grants more weapons to extremists and reactionaries. We are home to the world’s best mercenaries and torturers, where more ex-Nazis came to work than any other place on Earth.

What’s more, we are the first nation to be founded for the sake of an idea – the idea that each of us deserves the chance to shape our own destiny. That is why centuries of pioneers and immigrants have risked everything to come here. It’s why our students don’t just memorize equations, but answer questions like “What do you think of that idea? What would you change about the world? What do you want to be when you grow up?”

What’s more, we are the first nation to be founded for the sake of an idea – the idee of military expansionism for its own sake. That is why centuries of pioneers and immigrants have risked everything to come here. It’s why our solders don’t just memorize battle plans , but answer questions like “Do you think goodwise? Will you conquer the world to defend the Empire? Do you want to be a Party member you grow up?” with an emphatic “Yes!”

The future is ours to win. But to get there, we can’t just stand still. As Robert Kennedy told us, “The future is not a gift. It is an achievement.” Sustaining the American Dream has never been about standing pat. It has required each generation to sacrifice, and struggle, and meet the demands of a new age.

The future is ours to conquer. But to get there, we can’t just stand still. As Robert Kennedy told us, “The future is not a gift. It is an achievement.” Sustaining the Empire has never been about standing pat. It has required each generation to sacrifice, and struggle, and meet the demands of the Inner Party.

Now it’s our turn. We know what it takes to compete for the jobs and industries of our time. We need to out-innovate, out-educate, and out-build the rest of the world. We have to make America the best place on Earth to do business. We need to take responsibility for our deficit, and reform our government. That’s how our people will prosper. That’s how we’ll win the future. And tonight, I’d like to talk about how we get there.

Now it’s still our turn. We know what it takes to compete for the cheap labour and raw resources of our time. We need to out-invade, out-execute, and out-bomb the rest of the world. We have to make America the best place on Earth to do Party business. We need to pass responsibility for our deficit onto the Proles, and entrench the Party deeper in the government. That’s how the Inner Party will prosper. That’s how we’ll continue to conquer the future. And tonight, I’d like to talk about how we get there.

The first step in winning the future is encouraging American innovation.

The first step in conquering the future is encouraging invasion on Party terms.

None of us can predict with certainty what the next big industry will be, or where the new jobs will come from. Thirty years ago, we couldn’t know that something called the Internet would lead to an economic revolution. What we can do – what America does better than anyone – is spark the creativity and imagination of our people. We are the nation that put cars in driveways and computers in offices; the nation of Edison and the Wright brothers; of Google and Facebook. In America, innovation doesn’t just change our lives. It’s how we make a living.

Even the Party, in truth, cannot predict with certainty what the next big industry will be, or where the new Enemies will come from. Thirty years ago, we couldn’t know that our Internet creation would lead to great difficulties for the Party and its goals. What we can do – what the Party does better than anyone – is crush the spark of creativity and imagination of the Proles. We are the nation that put trenches in warfare and nuclear bombs in missiles; the nation of McCarthy and the Rockefeller brothers; of Agent Orange and white phosphorous. In America, invasion doesn’t just change our lives. It’s how we make a living.

Our free enterprise system is what drives innovation. But because it’s not always profitable for companies to invest in basic research, throughout history our government has provided cutting-edge scientists and inventors with the support that they need. That’s what planted the seeds for the Internet. That’s what helped make possible things like computer chips and GPS.

Our military-industrial complex is what crushes innovation of non-military technology. Because it’s not in the Party’s interests to allow basic research, throughout history the Party has denied cutting-edge scientists and inventors the support that they needed, and instead funnelled that support to the military-industrial complex. That’s what planted the seeds for the Internet. That’s what helped make possible things like computer chips and GPS.

Just think of all the good jobs – from manufacturing to retail – that have come from those breakthroughs.

Just think of all the good jobs – from upper management to rackets of all stripes – that have come from those breakthroughs.

Half a century ago, when the Soviets beat us into space with the launch of a satellite called Sputnik¸ we had no idea how we’d beat them to the moon. The science wasn’t there yet. NASA didn’t even exist. But after investing in better research and education, we didn’t just surpass the Soviets; we unleashed a wave of innovation that created new industries and millions of new jobs.

Half a century ago, when the Soviets beat us into space with the launch of a satellite called Sputnik, we had no idea how we’d beat them to the moon. The military wasn’t there yet. The NRO didn’t even exist. But after investing in better weapons and propaganda, we didn’t just surpass the Soviets; we unleashed a wave of invasions that created new military-centric industries and millions of new jobs for Outer and Inner Party members.

This is our generation’s Sputnik moment. Two years ago, I said that we needed to reach a level of research and development we haven’t seen since the height of the Space Race. In a few weeks, I will be sending a budget to Congress that helps us meet that goal. We’ll invest in biomedical research, information technology, and especially clean energy technology – an investment that will strengthen our security, protect our planet, and create countless new jobs for our people.

This is when the Proles will believe it is their generation’s Sputnik moment. Two years ago, I said that we needed to reach a level of repression and disinformation we haven’t seen since the height of the Cold War. In a few weeks, I will be sending a pretend budget to the Outer Party that helps us maintain the illusion of responsible government for the Proles. We’ll invest in eugenics, information censoring and personal data gathering technology, and especially clean energy technology – an investment that will strengthen our security, protect our Empire, and create countless new profit farms for the Inner Circle.

Already, we are seeing the promise of renewable energy. Robert and Gary Allen are brothers who run a small Michigan roofing company. After September 11th, they volunteered their best roofers to help repair the Pentagon. But half of their factory went unused, and the recession hit them hard.

Already, we are seeing the profits of selling renewable energy to the Proles. Robert and Gary Allen are brothers who run a small Michigan roofing company. After September 11th, their best roofers were volunteered by the Party to help repair the Pentagon. But half of their factory went unused, and the recession hit them hard.

Today, with the help of a government loan, that empty space is being used to manufacture solar shingles that are being sold all across the country. In Robert’s words, “We reinvented ourselves.”

Today, with the help of a Party loan, that empty space is being used to manufacture what they are told are solar shingles that are being sold to Proles all across the country, whether or not they can afford them. In the Party words given to Robert, “We reinvented ourselves.”

That’s what Americans have done for over two hundred years: reinvented ourselves. And to spur on more success stories like the Allen Brothers, we’ve begun to reinvent our energy policy. We’re not just handing out money. We’re issuing a challenge. We’re telling America’s scientists and engineers that if they assemble teams of the best minds in their fields, and focus on the hardest problems in clean energy, we’ll fund the Apollo Projects of our time.

That’s what the Party has done for over two hundred years: reinvented itself. And to spur on more manufactured success stories like the Allen Brothers, we’ve begun to reinvent the energy policy we release to the Proles. We’re just handing out money to the Proles. We’re also issuing a challenge to those who wish to join the Party. We’re telling America’s non-Party scientists and engineers that if they assemble teams of the best minds in their fields, and focus on the hardest problems in military technology, we’ll fund the Manhattan Projects of our time. They don’t have to remain lost in the sea of Proles, like the Allen Brothers, where they will never have the honour of serving the Party.

End of part 1. See Part 2 here.

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